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The hours between coffee and wine really have no purpose The hours between coffee and wine really have no purpose

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I'd be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees. I'd be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

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I drink coffee because I need it and wine because I deserve it. I drink coffee because I need it and wine because I deserve it.

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I used to drink ... but that was hours ago. I used to drink ... but that was hours ago.

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I found the vodka  it was hiding in the orange juice! I found the vodka it was hiding in the orange juice!

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Coffee! If you're not shaking you need another cup. Coffee! If you're not shaking you need another cup.

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I (love) Bacon I (love) Bacon

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WINE! How classy people get shitfaced. WINE! How classy people get shitfaced.

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Drink coffee; do stupid things faster Drink coffee; do stupid things faster

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Step aside coffee. This is a job for Alcohol! Step aside coffee. This is a job for Alcohol!

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I'm pretty sure my last words are going to be "Hold my beer and watch this!" I'm pretty sure my last words are going to be "Hold my beer and watch this!"

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You should text him. You should text him.

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I love you, man I love you, man

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Fuck your diet Fuck your diet

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Healthy as Fuck Healthy as Fuck

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I own you. I own you.

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Sometimes I feel empty inside Sometimes I feel empty inside

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Calm the hell down Calm the hell down

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(Martini Glass) (Martini Glass)

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(Beer Mug) (Beer Mug)

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I (love) Bacon. I (love) Bacon.

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Coffee Slut. Coffee Slut.

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Hell hath no fury like me when I'm slightly inconvenienced and hungry Hell hath no fury like me when I'm slightly inconvenienced and hungry

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I regret nothing I regret nothing

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A raw food diet? You mean like cookie dough? A raw food diet? You mean like cookie dough?

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No one wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad. No one wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad.

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Eat more hole foods! Eat more hole foods!

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I love you too! I love you too!

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Every now and then I fall apart Every now and then I fall apart

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